Sunday, May 26, 2013
Sunday BBQ

I love sundays. It's just a day to relax and worry about nothing. There was a BBQ and it was very nice! Everyone was having a good time and getting to know new people in the ward. I was able to catch some great shots of mostly everyone, and seriously, the kids in my ward are ADORABLE! I couldn't stop snapping pictures of babies!

I think I may prefer a smaller ward over a large one sometimes. There are no cliques in a small ward, everyone just knows everyone and you don't feel left out! Well at least we don't :)

Saturday, May 25, 2013

There are no words to explain the excitement that we have to come home to Canada! 
School is really bringing Maikal down.
He's been in school for almost 10 straight months and he literally feels his brain turning into Moosh!
I feel so bad for him. He comes home and just collapses on the couch and looks like he's about to pass out and die.
I try to help him as much as I can, but theres only so much I can do.

So we are so ready to just come home and play!!
Although we live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, 
it really does get old after a while.
We really need a change of scenery.
I have taken Alberta for granted.
It really is one of the most dynamic and beautiful places ever!
Especially the skies...nothing compares to Alberta Skies.

uhhhh and I can't even tell you how much we miss everyone!!
Im use to having alot of family around, whether it's mine or Maikal's family.
So im so excited to be surrounded by ppl we love!

Im excited for play dates, girls night out, going to Moxies, Boating, Quadding, Jet skiing, Magrath Days, Canada Day, My sisters Grad, Fireworks, Photoshoots, Beach Days, Tubing, Splash Parks, Weddings, Family Reunions, and so much more!!

Here was the original plan, Maikal was able to take all his Summer B courses online so that we were able to stay in Canada for the rest of the summer...but...we just found out that Maikal NEEDS this ONE class in summer B semester which is not offered online. So, Maikal has to come back, but that doesn't mean I have to!! I plan to stay a while longer so I will probably just go and stay with my parents for a while. So excited!! I mean, im not excited to be away from be able to spend alot more time with my family is going to be amazing.

* 14 DAYS *
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Happy Happy Anniversary!

And it was a HAPPY Anniversary!
It was a great day. It was a Perfect day.
I had a smile on my face all day long!
I couldn't help but think of all the great things
that have happened since we've been married.

It was a day full of laughter.
A day full of good memories.
A day of gratefulness and gratitude.
A day of LOVE.

We have this friend Meg, and she is just simply fabulous!
She offers to babysit Ben whenever we like!
She is a great person inside and out! She offered to take Ben for the morning
So that I would have some time to relax and do whatever I wanted!
But for me, what I wanted was a clean house :) And  I was happy to do it!
I actually don't mind cleaning at all. It just feels so good.
I usually can't get the whole house done because Ben is pulling on me for attention.
But this time I was able to do it no time!
Thank you Meg for be so freaking awesome!

Plus the love from everyone and all the kind and helpful words
have really given me a jump start to a new and happy day.
Thank you everyone for the LOVE!

Meg and Ben

I made Banana Bread because Maikal LOVES it!

We had Josh come over and babysit while we 
headed into Honolulu for a night out on the town!

It was such a beautiful sunset leading up to the Waikiki Strip!

We decided to go to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner.

The wait was about 50 minutes.
But we ended up finding these sweet comfy chairs!
Best wait ever!

Maikal ordered Steak and I had Pasta!

We of course ended the meal with Cheesecake!
Strawberry and Chocolate Bar.

We didn't get a picture of it, but this guy on the street was allowing
everyone to look through his GINORMOUS telescope to see SATURN!
I have NEVER seen a planet before and it was SOOOOOO COOL!!
It was only out for 2 hours and we were so lucky to have seen it!
It was absolutely breathtaking.
It looked white because it was so bright.
It made the night so special for us.
But this is what it looked like :)
But ours was more clear looking

It was a great day.
I couldn't imagine my life without Maikal.
He is so good to me.
He treats me like a Queen!

We got home pretty late (like 12). We were so exhausted!
And here's the awesome part, Ben decided to let us sleep in
because we were out so late!
he went to Bed at 6:30 and woke up 8:30!
Best present he could ever give us :)
I love my family!

Thursday, May 9, 2013
Breaking Down

Today was a bad day, well most of it.
I keep telling myself that everything is going to get better.
Ever since Ben was born, I've been a different person.
A lesser version of myself.

Something you may not know about me
is that I put on a strong face.
If Im having trouble with something difficult,
I won't share it,
At least not what Im truly feeling.

I've been telling everyone that being a Mom 
is getting 'better' and that my depression isn't a 
huge factor in my life....
But that's not true. At all.

When things get serious,
I don't admit things.
I don't ask for help.
I stay closed.
But it's hurting too much to keep it
inside any longer.

I am still suffering from postpartum depression.
I hate admitting it.
I hate that it had to happen to me.
I hate that Maikal can't understand what Im going through.
I feel so alone.

Postpartum depression symptoms
Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Postpartum depression symptoms may include:

  • Loss of appetite
  • Insomnia
  • Intense irritability and anger
  • Overwhelming fatigue
  • Loss of interest in sex
  • Lack of joy in life
  • Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
  • Severe mood swings
  • Difficulty bonding with your baby
  • Withdrawal from family and friends
  • Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
Untreated, postpartum depression may last for many months or longer

Some days are better than others.
But it's always there.
Always weakening me.

I don't feel close to my baby.
Haven't felt that way for over a year now.
Right after we got married, I was in absolute bliss.
I was the happiest I've ever been.
But that quickly changed.
It may seem like I 'Have The Life' right now.
But to me, my life is a huge mess.
How can I be happy when I have a kid who is
CONSTANTLY whining or NEVER seems to be content.
I can't go and do things with family or friends because Im
stuck watching him. 
I see everyone having fun playing in the ocean.
but there's always someone left out.

It's easy to post pictures and tell everyone about the good
things in my life. But what about the bad parts??
No one EVER posts anything about
how hard parenting really least for me.
Or maybe Im just focusing too much on all the bad
and not enough on the good.
But it's hard to do that when it feels like your
kid is crying 10 hours a day.

Being a Mom is LITERALLY the most stressful thing I've ever had to do.
Most of the time I absolutely hate it.
The constant messes, crying, responsibilities, worry, lack of sleep, and tantrums
are really wearing me down. 
I feel like my mind and body just can't do this anymore.
I see all these Mom's having so much fun with their babies
and saying how much they bring so much joy into their lives.
This is not the case for me.
I find myself ignoring him and passing him off as
soon as I get the chance.

And please don't get me wrong,
I do really love him.
And I would be devastated if anything happened to him.
I just wish this time in my life came later in my life...
Like WAYYYYY later.

Doctors say that it's not my fault and that it's a severe illness.
Well I was in denial for so long that I never took care of it.
So here I am, still having depression issues.

Im bawling my eyes out as Im writing this.
This is not an easy thing to talk about.
Many of you are going to judge me.
But that's ok. You probably just don't understand.

But, I really am trying to be more positive.
Im trying to have more faith in God that he will 
help me get through this.
But it's just so hard when you've been praying for so long
for things to get better, but it just doesn't.

I don't really know what else to say.
But I do know that this has made me feel better.
I've never been one to talk about this stuff openly.
And sorry it's so long...

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

In my life recently, I've noticed I haven't had any HUGE accomplishments. Back in the day Id say I had a really good life full of Victories. Whether it be Sports, Graduating from High School, Getting my Diploma in Accounting, Finding a Worthy man to Marry, Surviving Pregnancy, Labour and Raising a Child, Finishing the Charmed series from Start to Finish (I don't usually finish long series shows), and blah blah blah blah.

But theres always been this HUMUNGOUS obstacle that I just can't seem to commit to....LOSING WEIGHT! I can't seem to keep to a diet. I excersize on a regular basis though (Zumba :) )  Ive been able to lose about 8 pounds since Ben has been pathetic! It's been 14 months! I don't know what's taking me so long to bounce back! Like i've said in previous posts, i've never really had to worry about losing weight. I've always been athletic So I had no clue how hard it actually was to lose weight!

But anyways, the reason for this post is to make a commitment to myself and everyone else. I think it will help to have everyone know about this commitment so that it feels more important to me so I will work harder. Saying this publicly will give me drive and discipline to help myself accomplish this goal of mine.

So my friend Cally went on this Meal Plan and it really worked for her! So Im going to try this out!
Here is the link to what my meals are like:

So here I am making a promise to myself and everyone who reads this....I am going to stick to this meal plan, and I am going to get back to my pre-baby body in no time!

So if anyone wants to join me on this journey than feel free! Im sure having someone else do this with me, and vice versa, will have positive effects on both of us!

Friday, May 3, 2013
Lowry Scowl

There's no question that Ben looks mostly like me. But there are DEFINITE traits of Maikal in him. I would like to introduce everyone to "The Lowry Scowl". Its very common among the Lowry children. Its well known and seen on a regular basis.
He has been scowling ever since he was born. And I think it is just adorable!

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