Monday, November 5, 2012
My Poor Babe

It all started about ten days ago. I noticed this rash on Ben's front. I thought not too much of it and treated it like a normal rash with creme and baby powder. After a while I saw that it was not getting better. In fact, it looked like it was getting worse! I contacted my aunt Christy to see if she could help (she is a nurse). I gave her the symptoms and she came back with the conclusion that Ben had Thrush! He is in alot of pain and it breaks my heart that this is happening to him :(

For those who do not know what Thrush is, it is a fungal bacterial that occurs either on the bottom or mouth. It thrives on moisture and heat. Living in Hawaii where its hot and humid is becoming a problem right now..... It also feed on baby powder, which is why it was getting worse! bad.

I had no idea what this was so I looked it up and found home remedies that I could try. It said that Tea Tree was a really could treatment. Luckily I had some face tea tree creme in my cabinet! So I just slathered that on and it's seeming to work fine. I had a friend from mommy playgroup give my some tea tree oil and coconut oil mixed. This will be my first day of real treatments so wish us luck!

Another good remedy is to let him sit in warm water and baking soda.
Ben really enjoyed this little treatment!

I will keep every one posted on how he is doing.

Also in other news......I need to vent. Hopefully writing down my feelings will make me feel better...

I dread going sleep. I dread it because I know that it will not be a good one and I will be very grumpy and short tempered. Ben is STILL waking up 2 times in the night!!!

Let me walk through his schedules....

He wakes up around 7 every morning.
He eats every 3 hours. 3 baby food meals a day and 2 snack bottles. I am also trying to stretch in between feedings so he can go longer without feeding.
He takes 2-3 naps a day. 1 in the morning for about 1-1.5 hrs and 1 in the afternoon for 1-2 hrs. And sometimes he takes a 1/2 hour nap at 6. 
He goes to bed between 8-9pm
He will wake up at 11:30 and then again at 4:30. I give him a bottle both times. The 4:30 wakeup is the most difficult. It is really hard for him to go back to sleep lately. This may be due to his Thrush so im trying not to get too upset over that. But even without the thrush he will still wake up twice a night.

He takes his naps just fine! He will fuss a little bit and I go back in and put his soother back in his mouth, pat him on the back and he will be out! It's pretty great.

He has also become more fussy and needy lately. Just another thing to make be frustrated.....I try just letting him scream out his little tantrums in his playpen.

I am the kind of person who NEEDS her sleep. And I am NOT exaggerating when I say need. Sometimes I get so angry that I will just scream and swear and say things I don't mean. I think to did I get stuck with the baby that never sleeps through the night! I hate it. I hate it soooo much. And I hate when Im like this, but reality is that I straight up turn into a monster when Im not im basically a monster the majority of the time.

I CANNOT even imagine having another kid until this one starts sleeping. I don't think I could do it. Sometimes i think 1 kid is enough and that I never want to go through this again. Because it's just so hard...... on everyone. So if things don't start changing....I don't think we will be starting baby #2 for a long long time...It's really sad that they won't be close in age. But I think having a happy mom is more important. 

Some of you may know this already...but...I did, and still do, suffer from post partum depression. For a really long time after Ben was born, I was miserable. I was getting 5 hours of interrupted sleep a night, he was and is still a fussy baby, I had the breast feeding problems...etc etc. It was all too much. Having Ben in our lives has been both amazing and awful. I know that sounds horrible. And I totally love my son and he does bring so much joy to my life and he is seriously the cutest little baby ever, but it's just been very hard being a mom. I see other moms and how much they love it and that their child has brought so much love and happiness to their lives. And I want that. I want everything to be full of love, happiness, patience, and laughter. I didn't want to have kids for years, so I feel like I was forced into a role that I was just not ready for. 

So Ive decided that tonight's the's the night I am going to let Ben cry all night long. I will do it for as long as it takes. It's time for change. Call me cruel....but it is necessary. 


  1. Oh darlin'! Every mother has gone through a bout of this before....the not sleeping and not knowing what to do. I am not an advocate or supporter of the cry it out method BUT I also can't possibly sit here and ask you to fight even one more night when you are feeling so overwhelmed and discouraged. I think you can work it out using other methods - but I also know how tricky it is when exhaustion has already taken over.

    Can Maikal take one of the night feeds? Ben really shouldn't be eating in the night anymore....but since he is, I wouldn't likely just take them out cold turkey. A friend of mine and I felt like she needed at least 5-6 hours of good uninterrupted sleep. So she would go to bed around 9pm and her husband would do from 9pm-2am if the baby woke up. After that, it was hers to tend with. It was a great routine for them. Brent and I also alternated because sometimes it's nice to not have to be the one getting up. Especially on weekends when he doesn't have school - don't forget to utilize your husband {though for obvious reasons I don't suggest overusing him....he does have other responsibilities to do well with}! :)

    When are his snack bottles? If one isn't already at night, I would put one might help him throughout the night. Also, he may be waking up thirsty instead of hungry so don't hesitate to switch to water {you could start by watering down the formula and increase it each time until it's just water}.

    Above all else - hug yourself. mother loves EVERY minute of it - things can be stressful, tiring, overwhelming, and particularly with the post partum depression being a factor you need to take extra care of yourself. Wish I was closer {or could just fly over} - I would seriously love to help you out through the night and help you help Ben to really rock his night sleep!

    love you!!!!

  2. After speaking with Kelliane I think I will try the comfort him wait 5 min..comfort wait 10 etc. At least for the first few nights. I try to be a good wife and just ask maikal to help on the weekends because school is so stressful right now. But he really helps at least one day a week. And that day is heavenly. His first snack bottle is at 3pm then his second is right before he goes to sleep. Thats a great idea to water down his formula then eventually switch to water :) I will def do that. Thank you for all of your support and love. I need it! Love you!

  3. Sounds like a great plan - and one I have had success with with both my kids! You can do it! I totally understand not wanting to burden Maikal too much with it - these men need their sleep too!

    Hopefully you can get him sleeping through the night and you won't have to worry about watering down his bottle at all! :)


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