Thursday, April 18, 2013

Decisions

Growing up I knew I wanted children. I knew I wanted them 2 years apart because I thought it worked really well in my family. But, now that I actually have a kid, things are different than I thought they would be. It is no secret that Motherhood is hard. And I have so much respect for parents who have more than one kid close in age. I thought 4 kids was the absolute perfect number. But somedays, I literally go insane with just one!

After having Ben, I knew that for my next pregnancy, I wanted to actually TRY to have that baby. I wanted the thrill of waiting for those 2 pink lines on the prego stick, I wanted to surprise my husband in a cute way that we were expecting, I wanted to feel joy and excitement when it would be confirmed by the doctors. 

So the reason for this post is to ask parents out there.....How did you decide on a second child?

Because I am in a predicament right now. I would love to have my kids close together, but I just don't think I could handle it. But maybe lots of people think like that but they take the plunge anyways and they're glad they did. Ben is 14 months which means I would need to get prego soonish if I want them to be close. 

I have no desire for a second child right now, nor have I been prompted to have one. But is that a normal feeling? Did alot of you out there feel this way but decided to have another kid anyway just so they can be close or maybe just to be done with having kids sooner? Is having kids close in age easier or is it all the same? Maybe some of you loved having just the one for a while and it made everything easier having them older with a newborn??

I guess Im just worried that I will go into a deep depression again with the stress of taking care of a toddler and a newborn. Plus theres the whole, "we're in America so what if something goes wrong during pregnancy and we have to pay THOUSANDS of dollars for medical bills". 
(no offence America)

Im sorry there are just so many things going through my head about this! I feel like im all over the place lol. I just need some advice!



7 comments:

  1. my 2 bits:
    Even after we had BT I still wanted another baby pretty close after. I was nervous but mostly excited. The first six months was hectic, but each month that goes on, does get easier. It is harder then with 1 kid, because you usually always have a kid that needs something! One of the reasons I felt able to have kids close together, was that we were moving to South Africa and I knew I would hire a part time house keeper, which makes a huge differences in m life! That likely is not affordable in Hawaii!
    The other thing, is I wish that I had family near by (specifically Mom and sisters) to help me out. So if you dont have that desire yet, I would hold off. Ben will be just fine with a bigger age gap - much better off then having a crazy mom!
    I know Radelle wanted kids much closer in age then her 4 years, but there are times I am envious of her age gap. Rockwell is such a big help, and is such a great little boy, who absolutly thrived with those first four years just being with his mom!
    So based on what you wrote, i'd hold off on a second kid. Wait until you feel the desire and just enjoy spoiling Ben with all your love and attention!

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    1. Oh, i forgot to add, we absolutely had the desire for a second. and Sometimes have the desire for a third right away, but for practicality sake are holding off for a little bit longer!

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  2. I don't have any kids, but I would just do what feels right. If you are already having anxiety about it then maybe hold off. But ultimately it should come down to prayer and pondering and what you and Maikal feel good about. Sometimes I feel like I can't even take care of myself how could I care for a baby let alone 2! So as much as I don't understand what its like to have a baby I know how overwhelming it is to feel exhausted and burnt out, and that isn't the best for anybody either!

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  3. I know the feeling you are talking about! That's how I felt after my second. Feeling obligated to have another even though you don't really want to. Pressure to keep up for the sake of age differences, or friends/ family having babies. One of the last general conferences, I think it was Elder Bednar that gave the talk about planning families. He said that it is between the husband the wife and the Lord. What I have come to know is it's ok to not be ready, and it's ok to not have a baby yet. We believe in bringing in and welcoming children into our homes not be cause we are obligated, but because we love them and want to have the privilege of raising another of our Heavenly Father's precious children. He understands us and our needs and is willing to let us be our best. Do not feel ashamed because you aren't ready for another baby. Love the one you have, and if and when the time comes and you are ready for another baby then everyone will be more ready and excited about that baby. Babies deserve that, and so do we as the moms. We have the right to be ready and excited about the pink lines, about the pregnancy and up coming baby, to get our families excited about the new addition.I say involve Miakal, get a blessing, pray hard, and wait until you are excited, or recieve your answer either way. Just remember the pressure is just a hoax, we do it to ourselves. Good luck!!

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  4. It sounds cliche but pray about it! I have a family member who had her second kid just to have them close in age and she is a mess now. She got really bad post-partum depression and to make matters worse, didn't deal with it when it first showed signs and things continue to go downhill. Remember, happy mom makes for happier kids, so don't rush. Even 3 years apart is still close in age and could be fun although I understand the desire to have them close. That'll be me in a few years I'm sure!

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  5. Hi, we dont know eachother, but I stubbled across your blog through Bailey (I'm Australian and met bailey yrs and yrs ago when I was visiting in USA) We have 2 children and 3rd on the way (3rd and last) our first 2 are 19 months apart and we would't change a thing! I love love having them close in age! and I actually found it easier having 2 kids then 1!! now number 3 is coming due in july and there will be 3 yrs between child 3 and child 2 .. we we had planned for... I personally would of liked a larger gap but thats ok! so in the end when number 3 is born we will have a almost 5 yr old, a 3 yr old and a new born! We really enjoy having them close together, and it totally gets easier when they are capable to do things for them self ... my son and daughter play together (yes they fight, but majority of the time they are great) they can both feed them self, there both out of nappies (diapers) they can dress them self, play together, get food, etc etc .. so during the day I get alot of small breaks where I can put my feet up and relax or get some extra house work or hobby work done! Our daughter was 19 months when our son was born and still taking a day nap each day, so I would put her down and then the newborn and then id lie down too for one! that worked really well for us. We live in a different state then both our families so we dont have any of that family support/help near us but we get by and it's totally! My husband is a busy man with a full time job plus 1st counselor in the bishopric so he is out quite alot and on a sunday I barely see him...but I know being a mother is one of the greatest gifts HF has given us and I know through that he blesses us for trying!
    In Australia, our medical system is completely different, we do not have to pay 1 cent for anything and once we've had the baby the Government gives you a bonus of $5000 no matter what number child you are on. So we don't have to worry about any of that here, And i can understand how that would be a concern for you! I would hate to have to dig out a few grand to have a baby!
    Talk with your husband and pray/fast about it and I am sure you will know what to do! good luck!

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment! Your advice is great!

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