Wednesday, July 24, 2013

FYI

It has recently been brought to my attention that some of my own family and friends have had negative things to say about me about what I've been posting. This of course hurts me in some ways, but I by no means have hard feelings towards these people nor do I hold a grudge of any sorts.

Some people are saying that the things I say on my blog should not have been posted and they should've been kept to myself. Apparently I am pouring out my feelings too much and I should deal with them privately. And you know what....yes I knew some people would say these things, yes I knew that there would be people who would judge, and yes I knew that some people would be vocal about it. And I even bet some of you even think I post some things I say for attention or sympathy. Well.....let me just say that that is NOT true at all. I just write how I feel, good or bad. I am not looking for attention just so people feel sorry for me. I am not like that. But you don't know me and what I've had to go through in my life.

I mean, yes I do maybe think the previous 'stress relieving' post that I did should not have been posted; about Ben not being a good sleeper and how stressed and frustrated I was. But I seriously wrote that at 1:30am in the morning with a crying baby next door to me. I was a little out of it. Literally not sleeping for 5 days straight. I don't think I should be writing anything when I'm exhausted like that and take all my anger out on my blog for everyone to see haha.

But, the post about my depression was really different. It was literally a cry for help...not attention. I felt confused, alone, frustrated, and in a darker place in my life. I didn't even initially write that post for the purpose of seeking help, I was simply prompted to write it. I knew a lot of people were curious about how I was doing being a parent and how my post-partum was affecting my life.  And that's what I want my blog to be about. I want people to know about my life and vice versa with theirs. I feel like blogs and facebook keep our families and friends in the loop of how everyone is doing and I LOVE it. Immediately after posting it, I felt like that was the right thing to do. And holy cow did I ever get the help that I needed. I have never felt so much love and support in my life. People that I have never even met came and told me their stories and shared their advice and support. I've also had many people tell me that I was very brave to share my situation to the world and how inspired they were to do the same and not be ashamed of the same things they were going through. And I STILL have my friends and family checking up on me to see how Im doing. I didn't know that THAT was the help I truly needed. My inbox's and comments were overflowing with kind words and fantastic advice and nothing but love. For days I would read these words from everyone and just cry. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. I felt Happy. I felt Alive. I felt Uplifted. And for about 2 straight months after posting it, my dark days decreased dramatically. Before I was feeling awful about 4 days out of the week. And after it went down to about 1, maybe 2. And there were some weeks where I didn't have a single bad day. I still have yet to see a doctor, which I know I said I was going to do. But I've just been feeling so good about life!! {Minus these past 2 weeks of Ben not sleeping haha. Which by the way he is sleeping like a champ again!!! And again, thank you for all the great advice about how to handle it! I kept him on a more consistent schedule and pushed through it. It feels good!} So I haven't REALLY felt the need to go see anyone like before. But, I think I will still go see my family doctor because I do still have some feelings that are still lingering that I thought would just leave.

I know that people aren't always going to agree with me about the things I post. Whether they think Im sharing too much, whether Im dealing with my situation properly, whether Im a good parent, or whether my intentions are true about why I post some things. But it's my blog and Im going to keep writing about my life the way I want. It's not like I don't post about the awesome things too. I have TONS of posts about how awesome life is! There's just been a few bumps in the road that I needed some help with. And I really do need to be better about blogging about my awesome summer and all the fun things I've done. But that will come soon ;)

I would also like to take this time to give a huge shout out to the people who have been right there helping me along with being a new mom and all the things that come with it:

Maikal, Mom, Dad, Hailey, Radelle, Laura, Krystal, Kari, Cherisa, Kristen, Kelliane, Melissa, Melinda, Stacey, Sydney, Nicole, Brittnee, Meg, Cari, Vanessa, Mel, Keshia, Tara, Mary-Ann, Carla, Tia, Lori, Paula, Christy, Crystal, Jesse, Caitlin, my siblings as well as Maikals whole family. And I know I am forgetting so many people....But I am having a brain fart right now! SO Im so sorry! You all have no idea how much of an impact you have had on my life. I love you all so much!

As for right now. I am great! I am having lots of fun with everyone down south and Im excited to go back up to Drayton Valley to see my family and friends and new cousins!!! And Yes Maikal is gone and I miss him like CRAZY!!! But we're pushing through. Krystal Alston you're going to have to tell me how you made it so long without your 2 awesome men! This is brutal! Thank goodness for skype am I right :)

9 comments:

  1. I stayed busy - very busy. never a moment to sit around and miss them! It was hard, and the reunion was sweet! But stay busy and have something fun planned for every day!!

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    1. Ohhh ya great idea! Im sad we couldnt see more of each other tho! BUt im so happy you are back with your family :)

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  2. I think you posting what you think is AWESOME and I know for me writing things down helps me to get my feelings straight and understand when Im confused and frustrated at myself or my circumstances. For people who think that you are saying too much, well, they don't have to read. I think sharing that everything is not perfect in our lives helps others realize that its ok if their life isn't perfect. So many times you see people and think, wow, they have everything going for them, their life must be great. But in reality they have just as many problems as the rest of us, but people keep being down on themselves for not being like the people they think are perfect. Hopefully that made sense haha. So I think that you should post whatever you want, its your blog after all!!! So remember that lots of us love and support you! And I am so glad Ben is starting to sleep better for you. yay :) - love Jill

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    1. Thanks Jill :) You are totally right. And I like that I can make people feel more comfortable about their life or situation.
      And Im sorry we couldnt see each other while you were up!! Unless ur still in Alberta, or even Lethbridge!? If so we need a playdate asap!

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    2. We were only up in Edmonton for a day and a half, and super busy the whole time, and then in Lethbridge for about 3 days total, and super busy haha. Sometime we will come up for a week or 2 so we can see all of our family and friends :)

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  3. I am officially (or actually, probably more self-proclaimed) your biggest advocate when it comes to venting about depression, because as you well know, that's a huge way how I have coped with my own. There's just something cathartic about being able to vocalize your feelings --- and there is absolutely NOTHING about it that is begging for sympathy or a giant pity party. Just know that your honest posts, especially about motherhood (since I have a really high likelihood of going through a journey similar to your own). Your venting posts have never left me thinking that you should have kept that to yourself. I'm so sad we haven't crossed paths yet this summer!! Facebook me your cell number!!

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    1. Honestly reading your blog is the reason I got the courage to vocalize my own feelings haha! I just read it and related alot and so I thought if it was something that made you feel good, then it would do the same for me. And it is SO cathartic! It's awesome. And thank you for always being there for me even tho you're right, we have yet to see each other! ahh! I hope to maybe see you when I pass through calgary either heading up or down or heading to leave for Hawaii. Cuz we need to hang!

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  4. You're not alone and deserve to have a voice. Very one is so afraid to speak out about PPD on fear of being judged for being a bad mom when really you are likely a good mom who is having a rough time finding her stride. I posted o. Te post you wrote about your depression. Hope it helps to know (o believe) all mama so through a period of time, some longer tha others, where we just have to figure out our new role as a mother.
    No e tells you motherhood consumes eveyprynting angle second of our life, it's a big change when your daily concerns were so minimal as should I straighten my hair today?

    Anyway, you're not alone and good for you for recognizing your depression and seeking help.

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    1. Thank you! you are so kind to reach out to me <3

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